Sniffy the Hamster, a Wordsmith Extraordinaire

Something for your younger students.

You’ve probably never heard of Sniffy the Hamster, but in the hamster world he is a world-renowned wordsmith. Hamsters travel from as far away as 20 city blocks to hear Sniffy pontificate on words and phrases important to hamsters.

Admittedly, most hamsters are only interested in words like “breakfast,” “lunch” and “dinner.” Their favorite phrases revolve around snacks: “early morning snacks,” “late morning snacks,” “noon snacks,” “mid-afternoon snacks,” “before and after dinner snacks,” “bedtime snacks” and, Sniffy’s favorite, “midnight snacks.”

Sniffy can go on for hours and hours defining, with great flamboyance, these snack events and the types of snacks most hamsters eat during their many snack times: glazed donuts, frosted donuts, jelly-filled donuts, powdered sugar donuts, coconut donuts, donut holes, chocolate donuts and, Sniffy’s favorite, large donuts.

Hamsters, as a general rule, love snacks other than donuts, but donuts are their favorites. Also, as a general rule, most hamsters like Sniffy, despite his two major flaws.

First, Sniffy loves to eat, which in itself is not a bad thing, but Sniffy usually—okay, always, eats too much. Once he had 23 bedtime snacks and that was after Thanksgiving dinner. That is still a hamster record, though several humans, including my cousin Eaton, have done better.

Secondly, Sniffy is a show off. He loves his fame and he works at it. For example, he once sold tickets so hamsters, and two uninvited rats (rats are always uninvited), could watch him dive off his cage into Dobie’s water dish. Dobie is Sniffy’s number one enemy, the family dog.

Anyway, Sniffy performed a quadruple flip, with a half twist followed by a belly flop into Dobie’s water dish, which, because Sniffy is a large, rotund hamster, emptied most of the water on to the floor.

The house humans blamed Dobie which made Sniffy laugh until he fell asleep forgetting all about what would have been his 12th bedtime snack.

Of course, there are many cultured hamsters that like to learn words not connected with meal times and snacks. They also come from far and wide to hear Sniffy.

After some very tough negotiating with Sniffy we here at ARTK12 persuaded him to share some of his favorite words and what they mean. He even said he might do it on a regular basis—if we give him lots of donuts.

These words are found in ARTK12’s Jack and the Beanstalk. You can listen to Sniffy and read along.

copper

When you hear ‘copper’ I’ll bet you think of the copper that is a metal—the stuff they make pennies out of, but it can mean other things too. A ‘copper’ is also a policeman, but Jack would have a hard time hiding in a policeman. Or, it can refer to a coin or token, something you might use to play video games at the fair. But Jack would have hard time hiding in a coin. So what does Jack hide in? I’ll give you a hint. If the ogre found Jack in the copper all he would have to do is put the copper on the stove, add some water, salt and pepper and then cook Jack up for dinner. That’s right. A copper in Jack and the Beanstalk is a big, cooking pot made out of copper. I hope that ogre doesn’t like hamster soup. I’m outta here!

paltry

When I was a wee little hamster me Mummy used to call me, ‘Hammy.’ I’d say ‘Mummy?’ She’d say, ‘Hammy?’ Mummy? Hammy? Mummy? Hammy? Anyway, let’s talk about ‘paltry.’ It’s an adjective, that is, it describes a noun. When Jack’s mom said, ‘paltry beans’, she meant those beans were wooorthlesssss. They had no value. No one would even pay a penny for them. They were useless, they were anything but magic beans which is why she tossed them out the window. Boy, was she wrrrrong!

pelters

Run, run, run or pelter, pelter, pelter? I’m going to pelter! I like stomping my feet as I run because I like making lots of noise, so off I pelter as fast as I can. Can you pelter? Try it. First, you have to run, but then you kind of slap your feet on the ground as you do it—you can’t pelter quietly—so you should probably pelter outside unless you want your Dad to yell, “Stop peltering in the house!!” So go outside to pelter around the yard, but if it’s summer time you might swelter when you pelter. Say that fast. Swelter. Pelter. Swelter. Pelter. Swelter. Pelter!

rogue

Ahem. Okay, I’m going to try a poem. So get yourself ready! Herrrre we go:

I am the hamster Master Rogue,
A ‘worthless rodent’ I am called,
Along with ‘beggar’ and ‘Swindler Hoag.’
I steal and trick—so be appalled,
I’m not slowed by any drogue*,
So be careful or by me be mauled.
To be mischievous is in vogue,
Though it doesn’t help I’m going bald.
Have you ever seen a bald hamster?
It’s terrible—wait—that doesn’t rhyme!
Ahhh, rogue, bogue, ahhh, mogue—
Oh forget it! I quit! It’s over, I admit!
I can’t rhyme a bit! I’ve lost my wit!
I’m such a twit—a rogue too—
Has this made sense to you?

*a parachute used to decelerate an object that is moving rapidly

ARTK12’s Jack and the Beanstalk, with these extraordinary definitions by Sniffy, can be purchased on ARTK12.COM or on AMAZON.COM.